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Showing posts with label Dumb bitches. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Dumb bitches. Show all posts

Thursday, October 16, 2008

Dumb Bitches: Why Has Fangoria Gone to Hell?

Each of us got into independent cinema through a different route. For some of us, the gateway drug took the form of American auteurs like Soderberg, Tarantino, and Anderson, while others got their feet wet with outrageous European cinema from the likes of Fellini, Bergman, and Antonioni. For some, it was the bizarre stylings of John Waters, while others grooved to the freakish insanity of Ed Wood. For me, the big, gaping doorway was Fangoria magazine.

In the late 1980's, the horror genre was a wasteland, a cinematic red-light district, frequented by adrenaline junkies, moral reprobates, and the occasional social satirist with a strong stomach and a hearty streak of nihilism. While the video stores in my area had a thin selection of "genre" films, the local record store kept a nice stock of bargain-priced low-budget gore flicks in stock. As I pored through them, trying to decide between a badly dubbed version of Tenebrae and the lurid promise of Mother's Day, I soon realized that I needed someone or something to guide me through the maze of genius and dreck.

In time, Fangoria became my guidebook, my advisor, and my shopping list. In well-written, thoughtful articles, it introduced me to artists like Rick Baker and Tom Savini, auteurs like George Romero and Sam Raimi, and great fans like Forrest Ackerman. I learned about the personalities that put together these films and I learned to view movies through the eyes of the director, the scriptwriter, and the actor. In short, I learned to be a critical moviegoer, not merely a passive consumer.

In late high school and college, my tastes began to wander away from horror and into other esoteric cinema. I started working my way through the "great directors" and "best films," learning about the many paths that independent cinema used to present messages that were fresh and new, relatively unscathed by the corrupting influence of test screenings and rewrites. Although I stopped reading Fangoria, I often found myself wishing for a similarly well-written guide to the broader world of independent cinema.

Recently, I was feeling a little nostalgic, so I picked up the latest copy of Fangoria. To say the least, I was not amused. Over the last couple of decades, the independent, honest voice of my childhood had become transformed. Sure, it still had the same lurid covers and many of the section titles sported the same names, but the cover price was a whopping $9, placing it out of the range of many customers. Worse yet, the extortionate cost yielded "reviews" that were little more than puff pieces, a few retrospectives, and a lot of advertisements. Gone was the analysis, the interviews, and the prickly journalistic voice that had made Fangoria such a useful resource when I was a kid. The new version was clearly a thinly-disguised license to print money, an income generator that had traded honesty for ad revenue and sincerity for cynical greed. In short, Fangoria had well and truly been de-fanged!

Sunday, September 14, 2008

Vincent Gallo has respect for women...for a misogynist prick anyway


Brown Bunny filmmaker Vincent Gallo who is a part of an independent film scene of craptacular indies that is not exactly note worthy nor interesting to watch, apparently loves the ladies. Caught on tape here is Mr. Gallo threatning a reporter from Fashion Week that took place right here in our town. Take a look at the vid. This is the most interesting I've seen of Gallo's work yet---I might add.


I think there needs to be a blog added about Vincent Gallo in the "Let Me Tell You Bout Yoself" blog archive. This guy is such a tool.




Saturday, June 23, 2007

Let me tell you bout yo' self: Isaiah Washington


I just want ALL yall to know that this sistah right here only rides a wit a manual transmission, you know what I'm sayin? So when my gurl Tawandala wanted to take me to the Gay Pride Parade this weekend I was like..."hell to tha naw!"

But what should I happen to notice while watchin VH-1's Charm School ?(dem crazee chickenheads) I saw a news piece bout Isaiah Washington gettin all outta whack cuz he got fired from dat Grey's Anatomy joint.

I mean, I really never watched da show and never got what the whole big deal wit why so many folks like seein it. But I'm bout TYED a listenin to the news about him and da white dude TR Knight talkin about how the F word got used and he's against gay folks an all dat. I'ma keep it real, when I first heard about what happened, I wanted to look out for a brotha, cuz how many black doctors do you see on TV these days? And damn...how many black heart surgeons?? ZACTLY.

So then I decidez to read up on what's happenin cuz he used the F word again at da Golden Globes..that's when I was like...alll heeelll naw! I was thinkin I'm sorry brotha but you done put yo foot in yo mouth and now itz time ta go! Okaaayy? So even tho he went to rehab, made a public apology on a PSA, and supposedly worked wit Gay activists on for community work, I STILL wanted his ass fired!

Then Shonda (sista gurl) decides to be bold and let him go. Bout damn time! Now the brotha coulda just walked away quietly and hooked up wit his boy Spike Lee and do anotha movie. I mean damn how many Spike Lee movies has Isaiah been in anyway?

But what does this brotha decide to do??? He goes out on a rant (yea das my big word for tha day) and decides to call out TR Knight and tell the world that HE was the one that started this all in tha first place. That the cute lil gay boy conspired (mmm hmm Ima on a roll today) against him to get fired from the beginning and he was using the gay slur as a means to let him go.

Wha?? I mean is he forreal? I'm sorry Isaiah but you put yo foot in yo mouth not once but TWICE. Then you got that blond gurl from that Knocked Up movie sayin that you was wrong for callin her boy Knight dem names. You see what happens?

Isaiah---do us ALL a favor. Shut your ass up! Just don't speak. Cuz it seems like everytime you speak, you dig yoself in a deeper grave than before. Why don't start a career as a mime? They don't talk. It may do you some good brotha. And before you go why don't you roll wit me and my gurl Tawandala and go to tha Gay Pride Parade this weekend. I decided after writin you this letta that I'ma go. I'm here in NYC right now. Why don't u just hop on a jet from L.A. and come wit me to help redeem yoself.

I'm sure there's some fine brothas there. Even know we all know you don't roll dat way.

Truly Yours : Shaniqua, Alvarez, Jenkins

Saturday, March 10, 2007

Klepto Queen: Winona Ryder


What can I say about this woman? She's not exactly what I would call the smartest grape on the vine, but she's actually a pretty good actress. Now I remember Winona Ryder from back when she was in the little comedy Beetlejuice. Then I remember she was the pedophilliac lover to Dennis Quaid in the Jerry Lee Lewis biopic Great Balls Of Fire! However, who could forget Veronica Sawyer in Heathers? I mean honestly, I totally wanted to be Winona Ryder back in the 80's. She had Christian Slater to kiss and make out with in that film. Then after she starred in Edward Scissorhands, she was dating Johnny Depp in real life. Hotness.



From one film to the next she was with the hottest co-stars. Keanu Reeves, Ethan Hawke, and hell she even got to kiss Angelina Jolie! Double hotness.


Then she kinda started to fade and looked unkempt and frumpy. I wondered what happenend to the cute, short haired, perky-faced Winona? She just lost her spunk, her charm, her career.

I started to wonder what the hell happened to this girl. Then I heard on the news that she got caught stealing at Saks 5th Ave in Beverly Hills. WTF?? When did Miss Ryder decide to go all klepto on us? This fool is making millions of dollars and she's now stealing? Are you for real?



I just couldnt believe it. The girl I once looked up to and thought that maybe just maybe she was wasn't going to be just another dumb Hollywood trick, she pulls a TRICK on all of us! Oh well. So I guess she's slowly (in baby steps I must say) trying to make a comeback on her movie career. Mr. Deeds and Scanner Darkly are just a couple films she made after her post 5 finger discount faux pah.

Should we lose all hope for Winona? I'm on the fence, I want to forgive her, but sometimes I wonder is she's gonna do something stupid again. I hope not....maybe we can go back in time to 1989 when people actually gave a shit about Winona Ryder.

Wednesday, February 21, 2007

Screen Actors Trick Card: Tara Reid Owns One


I remember back in the day she actually was someone worth watching on the big screen. Remember her in the indie film Girl? Well I’m sure you remember her most from American Pie. Then she decide to go all slutterella on us and become the “Hollywood Party Girl”. She’s only worth blogging about because unfortunately she actually has a career in this business. WTF.

Anyways, we want to salute
Tara Reid for being the first to obtain the world class Screen Actors Trick Card! You’ve made some mistakes and we appreciate you for making them! Keep on keeping on girl! With hit films like Van Wilder and My Boss’s Daughter, we’re really glad that you have made your mark in Hollywood. There are so many undiscovered talented actresses out there who cannot get a job because of you making one craptacular film to the next. I mean Devil’s Pond could have gone to an undiscovered talented award-worthy actress, but instead it went to you! Thank you so much for preventing that from happening.


God forbid Hollywood actually starts paying attention to talent above “hookerish” behavior. We can’t have our actresses in Hollywood actually caring about their craft now? Hollywood actresses MUST by all means party every weekday at the places like the Roxy in Hollywood or Marquee in NYC. They must do at least 3-5 lines of coke per night, and they HAVE to sleep with Colin Ferrell—that’s the only way to attain the Screen Actors Trick Card. Get your SAT’s here folks!

Tara Reid! We salute you!

Wednesday, January 31, 2007

That Damn Bad-Hair Day Bride Video

Unless you've been living under a rock or simply don't give a shit, you may have heard about this video circulating over the Internet about A bride who sees her hair for the first time on her wedding day and repulsed by what she sees. She decides to cut her hair off.

When I first saw this video it looked quite real and kinda funny, But then it was leaked that the bitch in the video who claims she hates her hair is an actress. She's from Canada or something like that. Figures. Anywayz, when I watched the video again after KNOWING it was fake, I realized this fool really can't act. But who cares what I think. The video is doing well, and on YouTube it already has OVER 2 MILLION views and it was just added on January 18th! Pretty phenomenal huh?


Wouldn't that be somethin if YouTube paid each person 1 cent for each time someone views your video? Damn...this broad already banked 200K!


Makes you wanna add some more of your videos on our Short Film Corner blog huh? Yeah...you know you want to. DEW IT. DEW IT.

In case you haven't seen this bore fest of a video, here it is in all its glory. Enjoy. I guess.



Friday, January 26, 2007

Whatever Happened to?: Natasha Lyonne


I used to love this chick, I remember she first popped up on my radar in the 1998 Tamara Jenkins film, The Slums of Beverly hills, where she played a slightly lesbonic adolescent coming into her own as a woman.
then she got us even more hooked, by being the best thing about the American Pie movies as the snarky, slightly lesbonic girl with all the experience and all of the answers,
and of course who could forget her role as Megan, the teenage lesbian sent to a special De-gaying camp, in the hilarious Jamie Babbit, flick But I'm a Cheerleader.
we loved her, and we wanted more.
She threw that straight to video Freeway sequel and that lame-O movie about Kiss into the mix and we still thought she was bad ass.

turns out this chick was just a bit too bad ass.
After her turn in 2004's Blade Trinity we hadn't heard much from her, We started to miss her, she wasn't popping up in as many movies anymore and I intended to find out why.
So after some detailed investigation ( Gossiping with some friends). I got the scoop on what Really happened to our old pal Natash.

Bitch is a mess!
in August 2001 she was arrested in Miami Beach for ramming her car into a street sign and then trying to flee the scene. It only got worse after that
word is that after she dated John Connor, from T-2, she got heavily into the Big H (Heroin), Ho started shooting up on the regular.
At the time she was also living in an apartment on east 18th street that was owned by actor Michael Rappaport.
Other tenants reported she was basically High all the time, Loud and Belligerent.
so after Natasha basically terrorized all of her neighbors, threatening to rape there dogs and what not
(source), bitch got kicked out, and was roaming the streets of the city homeless for awhile.
There was even word that she had veered all the way Down to crack-pipe road.
recently our dear sweet mess, popped up at New York's Beth Israel Medical center, with a case of the hepatitis C, witnesses say the bitch has a bad case of the Richies as well, Looking gaunt and sickly and that track marks are visible all over her arms
.(S) (hepatitis C is frequently contracted as a result of infected needles).





Girls been Busy,
I don't understand how you can go from being such a promising young actress, to being Homeless, roaming the streets of NY offering up sloppy blow jobs for pocket change
( I'm assuming a bitch gotta eat somehow)
Who knows maybe she still has some of that Blade Trinity money and didn't have to resort to ass selling.
whatever the case, gurl you need to get it together, Find Jesus, Islam , Tom cruise something.

Cause, "beat-down-druggie," is NOT a good look..... just ask THIS chick.
its time to clean it up, and work on that comeback, if she can do it so can you.
Those pseudo Lesbian roles aren't gonna play themselves.
I mean , lets wake up people!
Crack is soooo Whack.

Nicole Kidman Car Crash Caught ON TAPE!!!


Here's the Nicole Kidman car crash everyone seems to keep blabberin about that was caught on tape





It's not the best video quality, but at least you can make out the footage!

Wednesday, January 24, 2007

What Can't this bitch Do??





As you all know, the Sundance film festival is currently underway in Park City, Utah, and despite the celeb sight seeing, Paparazi stalk fest it has become the festival is really all about the Movies. About celebrating indie films, It is used as a showcase for independent filmmakers to Premiere there latest projects, be recognized by their peers, and hopefully get a distribution deal out of the whole thing.

Currently in contention is the new film Chapter 27
Here's the Imdb Synopsis of the film:


New York City. December 1980. Mark Chapman arrives in New York with the intent to kill John Lennon. A depressed and unstable soul, Chapman is torn between his love and awe for John Lennon's persona and his desire to kill Lennon in order to gain notoriety for himself. The story portrays Chapman's mental collapse, which is played out through his obsession with JD Salinger's classic novel 'The Catcher in the Rye', as Chapman's demons win over, and persuade him to shoot Lennon on the steps of Lennon's apartment building.

The film is written and directed by J.P. Schaefer, and stars Jordan CatalonO in a fat suit, consisting of his actual body (luckily theres no eyeliner or crappy emo music in site). But the big news is that Lindsay Lohan also stars. When I first heard this i was quite impressed that she had chosen "this Film" as her acting debut, Honestly I would have assumed that she'd be starting off with some lame O' horror movie like "I recall some shit you pulled Last Winter" or Straight to video American Pie sequel.

It impressed me she was moving on from her former employ of being the drunk skank at parties, who flashes Vag, Bangs-out Mtv reality show stars, and fights with other Drunk skanks.

That was until I was informed that this was not in fact her acting debut. that Lindsay was in fact an already established actress. racking up credits in illustrious presentations like The parent Trap, Life Size, and even a guest starring spot on the Hit series That 70's show.

Color me surprised, bitch has plenty of experience and Now she's ready to move over to the big time. We Commend you Lindsay for pulling that straw away from your nostril, Wipeing the vomit stains from your "clever catchphrase emblazoned" Tee, and sinking your teeth into an indie feature role as meaty as jared leto's wrists in this movie

Brava! Linds Brava!

Thursday, January 11, 2007

From Indie "It" girl to Sloppy Hipster pornstar


Gotta admit I was once all about the Sevignes' she was cute in her break out role in KIDS, I adored her in, still one of my favorite movies to date, "The Last Days of Disco" and theres always been something about her , this sort of whimsical cool-without-even-trying aura thats always sort of charmed me. plus you gotta admit the bitch knows how to pick a good role appearing in slick ass flicks like
Boys don't cry, American Psycho, Party Monster and Gummo

If I heard she was involved in a project it instantly made it that much more appealing to me
but somethings happened recently in Indie film land. Bitch has completly lost her once glorious avante-garde Luster, its been replaced with a sense of eye rolling exasperation.
Now I hear the name chloe sevigney and I cringe a little inside; you know, the way people with senses of humor do when they hear the name Dane Cook, or cheeseburgers do when they hear the name Rosie O'donnel
she's over she's old hat , she's become that obnoxious drunk girl that stayed at the party too long, and its the next morning and everyones long gone and she's tapping you on the shoulder as you attempt to pass out in a pool of your own vomit asking "if theres anymore jell-o shots left?"
you know
that girl

i tried to pin-point the moment she became that girl and i think I've found IT.


Something about giving a BJ to an
anti-semetic hag faced has-been looney tunes on film That just sucks all the whimsy out of ya.

R.I.P chloe sevigney's innocence.