Let Me Tell You Bout Yo' Self: Barack O'Bama

Boy you better do the DAMN thing!.... wit ya fiiine self!

Let Me Tell You Bout Yo' Self: CW

Uh, uhhhh! A sistah is tooo upset right now!
Here I was, Monday night, getting myself all comfy and what not to watch my show.
Ladies I think you know where I'm going wit this Gu Gu Girlfriends!!
Yesss! That is my joint.
I just love watching bug eyed Joan Clayton act a damn fool on that show. That sistahs love life is a bigger mess then mine and hell, both the mens I'm with got records and been on them "Whose yo daddy?" Maury episodes at least 3 times. They were not the father.
but you know what else they got? That's right...
Neck tattoo's.
Oooohh weee. If there is one thing Shaniqua Jenkins loves, it's a ruff neck brotha with a neck tattoo, shit he don't even got to spit the game right if he's working wit that.
Face like Biz Markie and he could still get the digits.. he had me at "Holla back shortie" mmmm.
Anyways I was cold chilling in front of the tv had my big dollar bag of Funions some Pork Grinds and a glass of Mad Dog 2o/20 tryna see what mess my gurls get into this week. My favorite is the freaky light skinded girl she be bugging and she know how to get down, but I do miss that bougie heffa Tony Childs sometimes.
So I turn on the CW and don't see nothing but some pale lilly white faces. The CW talking about stay tuned for an all new Gossip Girl.
I was like "aint this about a bitch"
so I call my girl Bonquisha to see what the wrap is, cuz I got my Girlfriends watching steez on lock.

Them mofos cancelled girlfriends!
You don't even know how heated a sistah was. I was about ready to get to Slicing. Then bonquisha started talking about how Raekwon had got him a little bootleg side hustle going and if I wanted to get some movies 4 for $20, and I'm like,
"first of all I dont know how much money I done lent to that knuckle head Raekwon in the first place so if anything them boot legs need to be free for me.. or at least give a sistah a discount".
then Bonquisha starting wilding out, about how she think I'm tryna get wit her thick ass apple headed man. so I had to hang up on her, A sistah was not in the mood, plus my Funions was getting cold.
I like to put em in the microwave for about 52 minutes so they nice and toasty then sprinkle a lil butter up on em. mmmmm. got my mouth watering just thinking bout it.
So i decides hell! I'm already watching this, let me see what these crazy white folks is up to, cause them bad ass kids be the most out of control ones.
News flash Shelly and Roger them "time-outs" for yo kids aint working.
That's why they going around shooting up schools and what not.
anyways I checked out this Gossip Girl mess, then I heard they did a remake of that show I didnt watch the first time it was on: 90210, and I got to thinking, CW you wonder bread mofos cancelled Girlfriends for two versions of the same damn whiny show.

LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT YO SELF: CW
First off. what the hell CW even stand for? "Cracka Wonderland"? cuz thats sure as hell what it look like. I mean at least they got Michael from the Wire on 90210 but damn they sucked out all that boys swagga.

Throw him around a bunch of rich white people and they drain ya flava. half the time i felt like i was watching screech in black face.
but when he was on the wire he killed it. that was messed up how he did my boy snoop though, but hell throw a neck tattoo on him and its OVAHH! he's a lil cutie.
Don't even get me started on that lil black accessory they got on Gossip Girl, they got this sistah following this white girl around like her lil sidekick not saying nothing.. I was like uhh uhh, can the sistahs rise please? Like the great Maya angelou said "have a lil self respect bitch"
I wish that bitch would think I would follow her around like Im Fonzworth , let that heffa talk to me any damn way she feel like.. I will get to body slamming.
memo to Gossip Girl: yes "black people do talk" hell you might not like what we have to say cuz we'll curse ya ass out in a second but we'll talk like a mutha. during a movie in the theatre, on our cell phones at the DMV, mad loud on the subways even when our girls is sitting right next to us we will TALK.
shit you might as well have just left her off the show..only thing she do is piss me off when she show up.
She can't dress worth shit, I mean has this heffa never heard of Baby Phat?.. plus that tired ass doo she rocking is too done.. I will hook her up though. get her some purple highlights with some on point patted down S-curls..have her looking like home girl from Total.. a Starrr.
"Can't you see what you do to meeee?" ooh taking me back. that was my joint.
Anyways, like I thought before, them white kids was all over the place. bed hopping, parents on drugs, Sleeping with eachothers mothers, O.D.ing and what not. They need to get it together. plus it was on TV so they couldnt show no good stuff. hell I liked Gossip Girl better when it was a movie anyways.

And what is up with that middle aged blonde girl they got on that show talking about she in highschool Pahlease. Serena, Sereta something.
bitch got crows feet like a mug.
She smiled in one scene so many damn lines popped up on her face looked like a Walmart on christmas eve.
I mean I know ya'll are prone to cracking prematurly but damn. Somebody get that heffa some Lubriderm with the quickness.
I'm a cosmopologist so she need to take my advice. You got to lather it up before you go to bed.. right under them eyes and them mouth lines..
hell gurl for you I reccomend at least a bottle a night, just get up in that leathery ass skin and smooth it out.

Both shows are a mess. though you know what?
I tuned out of that 90210 in the first 15 minutes. Bunch of big heads on stick bodies in miniskirts whining about being rich and shit.
Thank you but Nooo thank you. a sistah struggeling to pay her cable bill and I'm sposed to care about why mommy and daddy don't pay yo rich ass any attention?
Fail!
gossip girl was basically the same thing except they had like a mixed girl up in there too so, I paid a little more attention, and that one dude.. Chuck is kinda cute. He aint a rough neck or nothing but I think a neck tattoo can remedy that up right quick.

Your garbage CW, yall shoulda never cancelled girlfriends.. and then yall moved "The GAME" to fridays?
ya'll know I'm getting my ass ready to go to the clubs on a friday night.. I see how ya'll living!. thats alright.
least we still got TV ONE.. lets see how long before them crackas take THAT away from us.

Anyways I gots to go "NY Undercover" bout to come on... haven't seen it in awhile but I love me some fine ass chocolate Malik Yoba.... That show still on right?

Warmest Regards:
Shaniqua, Alvarez, Jenkins

Let me tell you bout yo' self: Isaiah Washington

I just want ALL yall to know that this sistah right here only rides a wit a manual transmission, you know what I'm sayin? So when my gurl Tawandala wanted to take me to the Gay Pride Parade this weekend I was like..."hell to tha naw!"

But what should I happen to notice while watchin VH-1's Charm School ?(dem crazee chickenheads) I saw a news piece bout Isaiah Washington gettin all outta whack cuz he got fired from dat Grey's Anatomy joint.

I mean, I really never watched da show and never got what the whole big deal wit why so many folks like seein it. But I'm bout TYED a listenin to the news about him and da white dude TR Knight talkin about how the F word got used and he's against gay folks an all dat. I'ma keep it real, when I first heard about what happened, I wanted to look out for a brotha, cuz how many black doctors do you see on TV these days? And damn...how many black heart surgeons?? ZACTLY.

So then I decidez to read up on what's happenin cuz he used the F word again at da Golden Globes..that's when I was like...alll heeelll naw! I was thinkin I'm sorry brotha but you done put yo foot in yo mouth and now itz time ta go! Okaaayy? So even tho he went to rehab, made a public apology on a PSA, and supposedly worked wit Gay activists on for community work, I STILL wanted his ass fired!

Then Shonda (sista gurl) decides to be bold and let him go. Bout damn time! Now the brotha coulda just walked away quietly and hooked up wit his boy Spike Lee and do anotha movie. I mean damn how many Spike Lee movies has Isaiah been in anyway?

But what does this brotha decide to do??? He goes out on a rant (yea das my big word for tha day) and decides to call out TR Knight and tell the world that HE was the one that started this all in tha first place. That the cute lil gay boy conspired (mmm hmm Ima on a roll today) against him to get fired from the beginning and he was using the gay slur as a means to let him go.

Wha?? I mean is he forreal? I'm sorry Isaiah but you put yo foot in yo mouth not once but TWICE. Then you got that blond gurl from that Knocked Up movie sayin that you was wrong for callin her boy Knight dem names. You see what happens?

Isaiah---do us ALL a favor. Shut your ass up! Just don't speak. Cuz it seems like everytime you speak, you dig yoself in a deeper grave than before. Why don't start a career as a mime? They don't talk. It may do you some good brotha. And before you go why don't you roll wit me and my gurl Tawandala and go to tha Gay Pride Parade this weekend. I decided after writin you this letta that I'ma go. I'm here in NYC right now. Why don't u just hop on a jet from L.A. and come wit me to help redeem yoself.

I'm sure there's some fine brothas there. Even know we all know you don't roll dat way.

Truly Yours : Shaniqua, Alvarez, Jenkins

Let me tell you bout Yo' self!: Nicolas Cage

"Here I was minding my own damn business just stopping by the corner store tryna pick up some shit for the Apartment , get some of my personals and what not, wanna them Swansons Pot pies , cuz them shits is banging!, A couple of condoms and some chapstick cause you know a sistah gots to stay Glossy.

But what should i happen to notice hanging on the side of the Optimo but a billboard for that new haunted vehicle joint: Ghost Rider.

The poster did look kinda fly i gotta admit with the flame coming outta homeboys head and what not ,

but shit went down hill when i saw yo Whack ass name splayed all up on the top of that that billboard.

Why?, why must your lame ass Whackify every damn thing you touch, tell me this please cause I'm really not understanding. Ya need to stop making movies and sit ya ass down somewhere cause no one is tryin to see you or your whack ass "Action flicks" .

you know what? let me tell you bout yourself Mr. NichoLASS Cage!

1. ya ass cant act, you the same knuckle head in every role Mr. everyday buttery Ass white bread corney mother fucker, I mean Damn could you be more boring you ain't got no type of flava nowhere in that flaky ass body of yours, and you can't do a southern accent to save ya damn life, Con Air? C'mon,

plus ya got that whole weird Elvis fascination thing going too, which , Newsflash mother fucker you are not Elvis.

Elvis's fat, Little Richard Biting ass, died like 50 years ago on a toilet while chowing down on a peanut butta & ham sammich,

at least thats what i heard.

Ooooooh let me tell you what else i heard,

I heard that Damita, ..that heifah down the block, was bumping and grinding with Raekwon Last week at the clubs, you know Bonquishas babby father?

Mmhhmm, that skinny bitch is bout to get it, if that was MY Man Lafonze, oh hell naw ! It woulda been over that bitch woulda been got cut, I'da had to take it to the face wit mine

just get to slicing.

Oh, back to you, anyways nicolASS other reason i dont like you is cause didnt you steal my boy Michael Jackson woman? , yeah that's right, I'm all up on that. I see how you role, ain't no type of shame to your game.

There they was all happy and in love, kinda starting to look alike too in that "You are not alone video," I love that song that was my jam! and that video was tight too, that bitch got a booty too Lisa Marie Presley damn! For a white girl ,

you know she got some type a somethin else in her. I didn't see that coming.

But my boy MJ, did not need too take off his shirt like that, with that weak ass bird chest nobody is tryna see all that. That brotha needs to eat something, they got a Popeyes right down the corner, shit ill treat.

Get you a leg and thigh meal wit a side of biscuits WHAT?. $2.99 sucka!, cant beat that.

Oh ... yeah, i mean i guess you was alright in Adaptation and in Leaving LasVegas or whatever but really yo ass shoulda quit while you was ahead. now you just be making some bull shit for the money, The Rock? the Family Man, National Treasure Pah leass nucka, thank you , but nooo thank you aight !

that said...let me borrow 20 dollars right quick?"

Truly Yours : Shaniqua, Alvarez, Jenkins