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Thursday, October 30, 2008

Let Me Tell You Bout Yo' Self: CW

Uh, uhhhh! A sistah is tooo upset right now!
Here I was, Monday night, getting myself all comfy and what not to watch my show.
Ladies I think you know where I'm going wit this Gu Gu Girlfriends!!
Yesss! That is my joint.
I just love watching bug eyed Joan Clayton act a damn fool on that show. That sistahs love life is a bigger mess then mine and hell, both the mens I'm with got records and been on them "Whose yo daddy?" Maury episodes at least 3 times. They were not the father.
but you know what else they got? That's right...
Neck tattoo's.
Oooohh weee. If there is one thing Shaniqua Jenkins loves, it's a ruff neck brotha with a neck tattoo, shit he don't even got to spit the game right if he's working wit that.
Face like Biz Markie and he could still get the digits.. he had me at "Holla back shortie" mmmm.
Anyways I was cold chilling in front of the tv had my big dollar bag of Funions some Pork Grinds and a glass of Mad Dog 2o/20 tryna see what mess my gurls get into this week. My favorite is the freaky light skinded girl she be bugging and she know how to get down, but I do miss that bougie heffa Tony Childs sometimes.
So I turn on the CW and don't see nothing but some pale lilly white faces. The CW talking about stay tuned for an all new Gossip Girl.
I was like "aint this about a bitch"
so I call my girl Bonquisha to see what the wrap is, cuz I got my Girlfriends watching steez on lock.

Them mofos cancelled girlfriends!
You don't even know how heated a sistah was. I was about ready to get to Slicing. Then bonquisha started talking about how Raekwon had got him a little bootleg side hustle going and if I wanted to get some movies 4 for $20, and I'm like,
"first of all I dont know how much money I done lent to that knuckle head Raekwon in the first place so if anything them boot legs need to be free for me.. or at least give a sistah a discount".

then Bonquisha starting wilding out, about how she think I'm tryna get wit her thick ass apple headed man. so I had to hang up on her, A sistah was not in the mood, plus my Funions was getting cold.
I like to put em in the microwave for about 52 minutes so they nice and toasty then sprinkle a lil butter up on em. mmmmm. got my mouth watering just thinking bout it.
So i decides hell! I'm already watching this, let me see what these crazy white folks is up to, cause them bad ass kids be the most out of control ones.
News flash Shelly and Roger them "time-outs" for yo kids aint working.
That's why they going around shooting up schools and what not.
anyways I checked out this Gossip Girl mess, then I heard they did a remake of that show I didnt watch the first time it was on: 90210, and I got to thinking, CW you wonder bread mofos cancelled Girlfriends for two versions of the same damn whiny show.

First off. what the hell CW even stand for? "Cracka Wonderland"? cuz thats sure as hell what it look like. I mean at least they got Michael from the Wire on 90210 but damn they sucked out all that boys swagga.

Throw him around a bunch of rich white people and they drain ya flava. half the time i felt like i was watching screech in black face.
but when he was on the wire he killed it. that was messed up how he did my boy snoop though, but hell throw a neck tattoo on him and its OVAHH! he's a lil cutie.
Don't even get me started on that lil black accessory they got on Gossip Girl, they got this sistah following this white girl around like her lil sidekick not saying nothing.. I was like uhh uhh, can the sistahs rise please? Like the great Maya angelou said "have a lil self respect bitch"
I wish that bitch would think I would follow her around like Im Fonzworth , let that heffa talk to me any damn way she feel like.. I will get to body slamming.
memo to Gossip Girl: yes "black people do talk" hell you might not like what we have to say cuz we'll curse ya ass out in a second but we'll talk like a mutha. during a movie in the theatre, on our cell phones at the DMV, mad loud on the subways even when our girls is sitting right next to us we will TALK.
shit you might as well have just left her off the show..only thing she do is piss me off when she show up.
She can't dress worth shit, I mean has this heffa never heard of Baby Phat?.. plus that tired ass doo she rocking is too done.. I will hook her up though. get her some purple highlights with some on point patted down S-curls..have her looking like home girl from
Total.. a Starrr.
"Can't you see what you do to meeee?" ooh taking me back. that was my joint.
Anyways, like I thought before, them white kids was all over the place. bed hopping, parents on drugs, Sleeping with eachothers mothers, and what not. They need to get it together. plus it was on TV so they couldnt show no good stuff. hell I liked Gossip Girl better when it was a movie anyways.

And what is up with that middle aged blonde girl they got on that show talking about she in highschool Pahlease. Serena, Sereta something.
bitch got crows feet like a mug.
She smiled in one scene so many damn lines popped up on her face looked like a Walmart on christmas eve.

I mean I know ya'll are prone to cracking prematurly but damn. Somebody get that heffa some Lubriderm with the quickness.
I'm a cosmopologist so she need to take my advice. You got to lather it up before you go to bed.. right under them eyes and them mouth lines..
hell gurl for you I reccomend at least a bottle a night, just get up in that leathery ass skin and smooth it out.

Both shows are a mess. though you know what?
I tuned out of that 90210 in the first 15 minutes. Bunch of big heads on stick bodies in miniskirts whining about being rich and shit.
Thank you but Nooo thank you. a sistah struggeling to pay her cable bill and I'm sposed to care about why mommy and daddy don't pay yo rich ass any attention?
gossip girl was basically the same thing except they had like a mixed girl up in there too so, I paid a little more attention, and that one dude.. Chuck is kinda cute. He aint a rough neck or nothing but I think a neck tattoo can remedy that up right quick.

Your garbage CW, yall shoulda never cancelled girlfriends.. and then yall moved "The GAME" to fridays?
ya'll know I'm getting my ass ready to go to the clubs on a friday night.. I see how ya'll living!. thats alright.
least we still got TV ONE.. lets see how long before them crackas take THAT away from us.

Anyways I gots to go "NY Undercover" bout to come on... haven't seen it in awhile but I love me some fine ass chocolate Malik Yoba.
... That show still on right?

Warmest Regards:
Shaniqua, Alvarez, Jenkins

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