Craptacular Flick: Dark Floors

Most people on Halloween go out to costume parties, trick or treating, or crazy parades. However there is a certain number of folks like myself who prefer to stay home and watch a horror movie marathon with friends. The movie of choice was Dark Floors directed by Pete Riski. I have to say it was pretty "risky" for Mr. Riski to make this film. The script wasn't very good. The film is about a father treating his autistic daughter for a brain condition. He sees that the hospital is not very successful in treating his daughter Sarah, so he decides to leave the hospital.

Sarah's nurse Emily, insists that the little girl stay for some further "experimental procedures". At that moment, Emily, Sarah, and her father Ben get on an elevator with three other passengers. The elevator suddenly stops and they find themselves stuck. Several moments later the elevator resumes down to the 4th floor and as the elevator doors open...no one is in the hospital! I mean...nobody! Pretty scary right?

Well here's the thing, the movie takes an awful turn from this point, because we are first led to believe that they have arrived in another dimension of time---which we presume is quite possibly the future. However, all the sudden ghosts appear out of nowhere haunting the floors of the hospital and monsters dressed like members of the band Kiss come out attacking the 6 hospital patrons.

This movie just got a little weird and its ending was soooo ambiguous. I mean it actually lacked any logic and I was very dissapointed that I invested 2 hours into a film that had an ending that meant absolutely nothing. After doing some research, I found out this film apparently was the most expensive Finnish horror film to be produced. Ever. Wow...I'll hold my tongue and not insult the entire country of Finland, but they need to take some tips from American horror films...or better yet Japanese horror films.

Anyways, maybe you should check out Dark Floors and judge for yourself. Maybe you'll like it. Or maybe you'll agree and think that it sucked major monster's balls. Either way, this is being archived as a shitty indie. It may not necessarily be an "indie" per se, but it's still shitty.

We Love It When Hollywood Fucks Up A Good Thing

With Cannes comin up and thangs apparently Donnie Darko 2 is being shopped around and is currently on the market for bidding. Fox has already picked up distribution rights and now it appears that this is the real deal. Hollywood once again is fuckin up royally by capitalizing on the quintessential indie cult classic Donnie Darko by making it a sequel. Why??? Why???

Daviegh Chase reprises her role as Donnie's younger sister and the rest of the cast are a bunch of nobodys. Lets see Ed Westwick of Gossip Girl Briana Evigan from Step Up 2 and Justin Chatwin from Dragon Ball. I love seeing a sequel with a bunch of D-listers!!! It's so refreshing!

The story picks up seven years after the first film (and Donnie's death) when little sister Samantha Darko and her best friend Corey are now 18 and on a roadtrip to Los Angeles when they are plagued by bizarre visions.

The project starts shooting May 18.

Will we see Jakey boy?? Of course not! He's smart enough to know as an A-lister you never do sequels to movies that don't need one. What would he have to gain from being in this craptacular flick? Maybe they should cast his sis. She would be phenomenal as the evil bunny--no costume required. We luv u Gylls!

Coutresy of Screen Daily

Craptacular Flick: After Sex

Have you ever went to the video store or looked up a movie on IMDB and read the plot and thought..."wow this looks like this would be an interesting movie"--but then you get home and watch it and realize that this you felt hoodwinked into believing that this movie was even worth the 90 minutes of your time devoted to it??? Well that's how we felt when we watched After Sex. Okay cool concept---7 vignettes about pillow talk. Ya know the deep philosophical conversations we have after sex?? Well that's what the movie is about. It focuses on each couple's interesting conversation that takes place after they have had sex. Some conversations are about falling in love, some are about homophobia, and others are about pretending your are a hooker when really you are a bad actress trying to convince us that you're really not a whore. Yea, that's what one of the stories are about.

This movie was a snorefest for me and there were homosexual couples featured in this film having the same redundant conversation about what it is to be gay and the fear of being outed. Watching the film actually felt like an after-school special. I'm surprised that so many well known actors appeared in the film. I guess they just read their scenes and not the script in its entirety...cuz the stories were majorly lacking and the writing was nothing to get excited about either. Sometimes in weird way it can be refreshing to see shitty indies like this being made. It gives the really talented writers out there-- who yet to have a voice --a chance to write better films. If you have to watch this film, use it as a guide what NOT to do when writing a script. It will be very helpful in your journey as a screenwriter.

Here is a sample below. Do you agree? Do you disagree? Do you even care?

Tribeca Film Festival Review: Love Live Long

Well as most of you already know, the Tribeca Film Festival is in full swing and there are a ton of movies to watch over the next 9 days of this festival. An NYIndieSeen staffer, has all access into the festival and has seen 2 flicks so far to review for you IndieSeen readers.
Love Live Long (2008) The world premiere of this film took place here in NYC at The New School Tishman Auditorium. Director Mike Figgis takes us into a movie inside of a movie. This avant garde stylized story is about a woman named Rachel who videotapes herself on suicide watch and a yuppie hotel connoisseur, mysteriously cross paths in Istanbul. Darren has no idea who this mystery woman is, all he knows is that she is beautiful, appealing, and is worthy of a sexual encounter. Little does Darren know that Rachel is suffering from some serious psychological issues and he finds himself involved in a tryst that could change his the life as well as his wife and children.


The movie is a bit too slow for my taste. Figgis holds on shots of closeups for longer than necessary which slows the pace of the film. Some of the cuts are jarring and there is really no backstory involved with the characters in this film. The film is shot documentary style with a video handheld and has that movie-within-a-movie appeal. The film doesn't really deliver and the plot is severely lacking. Unless you prefer avant garde stylized films that does not necessarily tell a story, but instead let closeup images of people's facial hair and moles on their skin do the actual storytelling...then maybe this film is for you. But trust me...this movie is no Leaving Las Vegas that's for sure. Apparently the film was shot in 7 days. Now that makes plenty of sense why this movie looked like a rough cut.

Craptacular Flick: The Final Cut

A few years ago a friend recommended this film to me when I was visiting her at a video store in North Hollywood. She wasn't exactly a movie buff like me, but I figured I'd check it out. Well the other night this movie came on and I decided to actually sit down for 2 hours and give this film a shot.

Damn I wish I could have got those 2 hours of my life back....

I mean, the movie isn't HORRIBLE....but it ain't great neither. The script actually has some potential to be a great film, but the story just didn't deliver. The Final Cut is set in a world where implanted microchips can record all moments of an individual's life. The chips are removed upon death so the images can be edited into something of a highlight reel for loved ones who want to remember the deceased.

Sounds like an interesting storyline right???

WRONG. Here are some major mistakes with the plot.

First of all the time period the story takes place is undefined. Are we in the future? Are we in present day? If so, where does this technology come from and how was it developed? None of these questions are ever answered and it leaves very little plausibility that a machine like this can exsist....at least in the world of THIS story anyway.

Second was the fact that these memory chips called "Zoes" are only implanted in a number of human beings. Robin Williams who plays the editor of these memories, mentions that he never realized he has a Zoe and thought his parents couldn't afford one. So therefore one whould have to purchase a Zoe in order for their memories to be captured. If this is the case...how does one purchase a Zoe chip? Where would you buy it? Why?

I know that sometimes with fiction you have to take leave some plot holes to the imagination and check reality at the door. But with this film it just gets ridiculous and then you begin to doze off and wonder why you're even watching this. I liked seeing Jim Caviezel...hadn't seen him in a minute. Robin Williams playing the creepy recluse is something he's good at, but I'd like to see a change a pace for him. Mira Sorvino plays a brief role as Williams girlfriend, but her character isn't really defined so I guess she's an old friend, girlfriend, f*** buddy...I dunno.

Bottom line...this movie sucked. Apparently some people like my friend liked it...but I thought it was a shitty indie. Welcome to the Shitty Indie archive!

Craptacular Flick: She Hate Me

She Hate Me
2004


Sorry to blast on a Spike Lee film becuz I freakin LOVE his work, but this film sucked ass. This movie was horrible. I only decided to watch this film because Spike Lee directed it. After seeing it, I question why he was even attached to this production in the first place??

I can't believe he was co-writer of this script! Was this a desperate attempt to write a film against type. Was he sick of being labeled as the angry black militant filmmaker?? The plot was horrible, the characters were typecast, and they were ALL way too stereotypical. I thought this film's theme was about morality in ethics and in fact its the complete opposite. And what fug was that ending about???

Why would lesbians choose to have sex to conceive a child when in vitro fertilization is ready and available? The Fatima character (played by the beautifully talented Kerry Washington) is clearly confused about her sexuality first of all. She claims to no longer love the protagonist (played by Anthony Mackie), but she constantly works her way back into his life and uses this baby-making business plan as a way to see him and have contact with him again. Then she kisses him and makes love to him like she was dying for it when she does try for a baby. I just didn't get this film. What was this film's message? Why was this film even made? What a waste of celluloid. I think I like the old militant films that Spike Lee used to make. I miss those. Don't waste your time on this flick.

Spend your time on a better Anthony Mackie film like Brother to Brother, Half Nelson, or We Are Marshall. This movie is a stinker.

Wannabeez!

Knockoffs. I can’t stand em. Why is it that every time a movie does commercially well some Hollywood producer finds it “marketable” to create a carbon copy prototype? There is this movie distributed by AfterDarkFilms called Captivity.

AfterDark films recently released the film Abandoned and they are a fairly new distributor that focuses more on horror and psychological thrillers. So here is the film synopsis for Captivity: A man and a woman awaken to find themselves captured in a cellar. As their kidnapper drives them psychologically mad, the truth about their horrific abduction is revealed.

Hmmmm….sounds familiar perhaps maybe like the sleeper hit Saw???

Yeah, this is gonna suck. Monster’s balls.

Unfortunately, people will be drawn to see this film becuz of the cool lookin poster. Wouldn’t you wanna see a movie with a poster like that??

Thanks SlashFilm

Don't See Open Water 2: Adrift or Ghost Rider For That Matter...

Damn why do movie studios have to cash in on a good thing? Why why why???? There are thousands of GOOD independent filmmakers who are starving to get distribution and get their films made.

But noooo, big movie studios run by producers who know absolutely nothing about filmmaking and instead have MBA’s rather than Film degrees prefer to choose a piece of shit trash like Open Water 2: Adrift or Ghost Rider which NYIndieSeen predicted that it would be shotty and all of the major film critics agreed.

We need better movies! We need to end the establishment of studio distribution! We want INDIE! Can I just say that the only films that actually have been worthy of awards within the past 10 years have all been independent films?

So do us a favor, instead of renting this craptacular film on DVD when its released on Feb 20th rent Babel or Shut Up and Sing. Instead of paying to see Ghost Rider save your money next week and watch The Abandoned or if you wanna go out and check out a flick we rather you see Tyler Perry’s new flick. Or catch up on the Oscar nominated films this year, since the Oscars will air next weekend. Give yourself something more productive to do rather than waste 2 hours of your life that you will never get back.

J.

P.S. I know that the studios are hungry for comic book films and thought maybe Ghost Rider would be bankable. Perhaps if next time they think to cast unknown TALENTED actors instead washed up Alist turned Blist actors in the film, it possibly could have been a better movie. Perhaps.